Sep 182012
 

Today held a couple of lovely examples of why I do what I do. It’s difficult not to think of the two individuals involved as some how connected, though complete strangers who will likely never meet. And even if they somehow, in a typical small world way, were to meet, it is equally unlikely that either of them would be able to recognize the traits that connect them. The sheer number of interactions, not all brief or shallow, these two people could share and never see their sameness.

But we are, after all, a society that does not make it easy to be out and unapologetic about being a kinky little slut.

Oh, and in case your mind just tried to jump to any number of scantily clad rockstars to contradict that last statement…if you think they don’t have to walk barefoot across broken glass on a regular bases to manifest un-wavering fabulous, 24/7 you’re kidding yourself.

But people do it.

And that’s why I do what I do. Average everyday people take the risk of making themselves a target by being out, by being unapologetic…by being brave. And it starts with a simple thought.

I have a right to be happy.

So there’s a new playmate who’s been trying to book with me for awhile. Granted, sometimes the planets take awhile to align. Otherwise known as the scheduling dance. But that’s not really whats going on here. To his credit, he’s at least been honest.

He’s a little scared.

I’m always so torn by that. Part of me recognizes that – Jesus I bet! This can be quite the step into the abyss. Conversely, I know me, and I am NOT that scary. This isn’t skydiving…you are unlikely to die from seeing a Pro Domme.

Despite the latter and in keeping with the former…I’ve seen people so nervous they’re shaking when they arrive, so scared they can’t make eye contact. I’ve seen people so stressed out that the moment that it sinks in, they are safe here, they start crying.

But in the face of their fear, they still showed up. Which is awesome! Human beings can be almost impressive in our ability to self sabotage, to keep ourselves from what we know, deep down, will make us happy. One very effective way of doing that is to alienate the very same sexy dominant that you’ve been fantasizing about seeing for years by NOT showing up for your appointment. If folks show up and try to put up barriers between themselves and their happiness, THAT, I can do something about. But without that first step, that first risk, that first appointment…nothing I can do to help.

So I hope this new playmate shows up. I know he’ll be happy if he does.

I know this for a number of reasons but also because of the playmate I saw today. A sweet, gentle, man who was actually brave enough to tell his partner that he was kinky before they got married. And she was cool with it. Then at some point a few years in, his kinkyness was no longer okay. Not okay for her, so not okay period. And in the classic boiling a frog metaphor of most abusive relationships, things went from bad to worse over a period of many years. Years of his self-medicating with solo-play in the face of open hostility and verbal abuse.

Until recently.

When he remembered he had a right to be happy. A partner who vilifies your sexuality is never going to let you be happy. I am not the reason he is taken the monumental step of leaving an abusive relationship. I merely helped him to see himself as he was meant to be. And he remembered.

This is the risk people take when they come to see me. But I’m not what people are actually scared of. What they are scared of is being happy…while being kinky. When its no longer a question of “Am I really?” and is inescapably “I really am.”. The cost of that knowledge is either change or denial. Change your life and chase your bliss. Or deny the knowledge of where your bliss lies, repress it, distort it, or feed it just enough to keep it quiet…until it needs to be fed again.

So actually, change wins out in any event. And that’s the risk you take. You will not walk out as the same person you were when you walked in. And that’s true whether its your first experience or your fiftieth.

But take that risk anyway

because its worth it

because you

have a right

to be happy.

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